


Talk of the town

by Applesaucedip



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AKA, Anxiety Attacks, Bad Parenting, Bisexual Miya Atsumu, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Developing Relationship, Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Isolation, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Munchausen Syndrome, Self-Discovery, as people know it as, demisexual sakusa, eventual healthy relationship communication, idk how to tag fics help, poor sakusa, unnamed mental issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29895087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applesaucedip/pseuds/Applesaucedip
Summary: Their town was small, word got around easily. The Sakusa family was best known for their neurotic behaviour. The Miya family was known for their gold star reputation.Sakusa never imagined the way his life would change once meeting the annoyingly persistant blonde twin of the most praised family in their town
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 37





	Talk of the town

**Author's Note:**

> Bear with me on this one, this is my first time writing sakuatsu lol  
> Wrote this to help with writers block but decided to post it anyway 
> 
> TW for things mentioned in tags. Please read them and continue with caution

The Sakusa family was not the most reputable family that’s been talked about in their small town. It was a name many looked down on, used as a negative point of reference. This however never stopped Kiyoomi’s mother from being, well, herself. 

It’s uncommon in the town they live in for women to have children out of wedlock. That affair in itself had many people cast a red flag upon their name, atop of the dishonorable fact they lived in a trailer park. Most people could look past the negative connotations that exist against mobile home living, often with people trying to prove their own superiority by living in a ‘real house’. 

Kiyoomi’s family situation was common knowledge for many people. He felt the shame of his circumstances around grade one. His classmates would often tease him with the words they picked up from their own parents. When he informed his mother about the teasing, she marched into the school claiming the words of his peers drove her darling son to suicidal thoughts. This was a lie. He hadn’t known why she would say things like that until years later. 

Growing up Kiyoomi was forced by his mother to wear a mask, gloves, and make sure to always have hand sanitizer on him. She harped on him about the illnesses he had which caused an increased risk to his health. The fact, as he knew it, was imposed on him since he could remember. She taught him to stay away from people, not to let them get close. Told him how people with his condition are more likely to die from a common cold. 

He learned how to thoroughly clean their house to prevent any germs or bacteria that could cause him harm. This was something he was forced to do at least twice a day. Their trailer was spotless, though his hands were dry and cracked. 

As he grew up, his mind was consumed by the anxiety of his life always being in danger. He isolated himself from his peers, his only friend being the yellow giraffe stuffed animal he kept since he was a baby. To him, it was all he needed. The giraffe was the anchor that got him through the mental breakdowns he started having around eight years old. It kept him company when his mother would disappear for several days without a word. 

Highschool rolled around and caused a great deal of changes in his life. He would be going to a new school, a new building. Throughout his life he had only been to three primary places; his elementary school/middle school (It was the same institution), his house and the hospital. 

Kiyoomi never saw anything wrong with his life until highschool. He breezed through life thus far believing his mother wanted the best for him. She taught him how to take care of himself and his illnesses. Instilled the way his life should look, lonely and barren. She couldn’t afford to have him do anything but fulfill her needs. Unknowingly, he filled them. 

The Miya family was another story. The handsome, popular twins with a reputation to beat. Kiyoomi had never heard about them until the first day of highschool. They were star athletes throughout middle school, said to only keep pushing the bar higher for the small town. They were charming and charismatic, guys looked up to them, girls swooned for them. 

Kiyoomi didn’t understand the big deal. They were just some boys from a higher social class in a run down town. Sure they were attractive, Kiyoomi wouldn’t deny that fact, but their near existence made him grimace. 

If it were possible to never have to hear their names or see their impact on the other students Kiyoomi would take it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately Kiyoomi didn’t have that kind of luck. 

“Sakusa, right?” A voice pulled Kiyoomi from his thoughts. He glanced upward only to be met with two sets of eyes peering into him. The twins were sitting in front of him, he felt cornered. 

“What,” He demanded, fed up with the fact he had to talk to them in the first place. He had hoped he could keep himself under the radar from these two. Especially when his stress level from being in a new establishment was already steadily climbing to his breaking point. 

The blonde kid raised his hands in defence with a smirk, “Just making sure we know our lovely classmate’s names. We’ll be stuck with each other for a while so might as well get comfy, no?” 

“Apologies for my brother,” the twin on the left said with an elbow to his brother's side, “Osamu, this is Atsumu,” he introduced with a kind smile. Kiyoomi nodded in acknowledgement and diverted his attention to his notebook. 

“What’s with the get up?” Atsumu inquired, eyeing the gloves Kiyoomi wore. 

“Sick,” He mumbled the reply, refusing to meet the questioning eyes. The twins nodded, Osamu nudged his brother, silently urging him to move on. 

“With what?” Atsumu pushed, curiosity leaking into the words he spoke. 

Kiyoomi stilled. What was he sick with? The simple question seemed near impossible to answer. Since living with the illnesses and symptoms his mother dwelled on he never thought too deeply about his diagnosis’. He simply took the pills his mother gave him and followed her care instructions. 

The accumulation of factors; first day anxiety, the fact he didn’t have time in the morning to clean his house and now a sudden question to his own well being triggered a panic attack. His heart was racing out of his chest, breathing became laborious, hands shaking as if an earthquake struck. The twins backed up warily as they heard his breathing quicken. The class was paused abruptly as the teacher was called to the attention of the freshman hyperventilating in the back row. The crowd surrounding him felt suffocating. Eyes blown with fear, he backed away, falling out of his chair in the process. 

Muffled speaking flew by Kiyoomi’s ears. He clutched the shirt on his chest, he was dying. He felt the end of his life nearing almost as quickly as his teacher darting towards him. Wait, no, she’s getting too close. 

Too close. 

_ Please  _ back up.

Stop. 

Make it  _ stop.  _

Muffled yelling followed his attempt to get people to leave him alone. He didn’t know who yelled, he was unsure if that was the reason his throat felt like it was on fire or it was unrelated. Soon the classroom was cleared out. Only the teacher remained. Minutes passed, though it felt like hours. 

He felt the ground under his hands, through his gloves. He smelt the fruity scent of the perfume his teacher was wearing. He saw his mask on the floor in front of him.  _ Wait, what? _

“Mask,” He managed to rasp out. His hand reached out in an attempt to pick up the discarded mask. 

“Sakusa, you were having trouble breathing. The mask will only make it worse,” his teacher reasoned, picking up the disposable mask.

“It’s fine. I  _ need  _ it,” he stressed. Tears he was unaware of dripped from his chin, soaked up by the fibers of his pants. 

His teacher looked at him with a flash of pity illuminating her face. She sighed, “Once your breathing is controlled you can put it on. For now I ask that you focus on yourself,” 

“Give me the fucking mask!” He exclaimed, his patience wearing thin. The profanity caused his teacher to flinch. She frowned disapprovingly, the mask was placed in his hand. He put it on only to rip it back off. It’s been contaminated. 

He scrambled to sit up, his legs felt numb. He forced himself to move around the fallen chair and pulled on the zipper of his backpack. A brand new bag of masks. A bag of disposable gloves. He ripped off his gloves, pulled out the bottle of sanitizer from his pocket before lathering his hands. The cracks on his hands stung, he was used to it. It was a pain he found comfort in now. 

After pulling on the gloves and a new mask his teacher gave him a look of disappointment. 

He was sent home early on his first day of high school. When his mother demanded to know the reason for his early release, he posed a question back, one he wouldn’t get a solid answer for, “What’s my diagnosis’?” There was yelling, tears, doors slamming, house rocking… He never asked a question about his well being again. 

The following week of school he had been the talk of town. The offspring of the disgraceful Sakusa name gave more reason for their family being called neurotic. All the stigma of his mother’s actions in the past was brought up once more. Kiyoomi was the poster boy for ‘trailer park trash’, as everyone called them. 

Prior to this incident, the Miya twins had barely known the Sakusa name. However, it was impossible to ignore the rumours that spread quickly about the boy. Old rumours dating back to when his mother was a student at this school to new rumours about her and the panic attack he had. Kiyoomi didn’t exactly know what kind of rumours were being spread about him, no one talked to him. Nonetheless it was pretty simple to deduce the fact they were talking about him, from the whispers and the stares. 

Other than the first panic attack from the beginning of the year he was able to keep the freak outs to a minimum for the rest of the year. Only a handful of people tried to talk to him, it mostly ended with Kiyoomi pissing them off with his blunt nature or passive demeanor. Neither of the Miya twins attempted to talk to him, but Kiyoomi often caught Atsumu looking at him as if trying to piece together a puzzle. He was mildly upset he couldn’t have friends, but his mind told him it was for the best. 

His mother, however, was over the moon with the fact he was friendless. Content with the fact she wouldn’t have to lecture him about doing things that would put him in danger. She could have her son all to herself, he would be home when he wasn't at school. He would be cleaning when he got home and she wouldn’t have to worry about leaving their trailer unattended for an extended amount of time. It was a win-win. 

The second year of highschool was a pivotal point in Kiyoomi’s life. The first day of school, much like last year, the twins talked to him. Well, Atsumu did. 

“Sakusa, hey! Summer did you well, you’re looking good,” Kiyoomi stilled. He turned to see Atsumu leaning against a poll outside their school which he had just passed. 

“Okay,” He had responded before resuming to find his classes for the year. 

The next week a certain blonde twin approached him once more, “Did you know that Eminem was poor too?” The statement received a glare in return. 

A few days later Atsumu walked up to him with a frown on his face, “Sorry for the insensitive comment the other day,” Sakusa stared through him wordlessly, “Uh, okay,” He chuckled awkwardly before backing up and retreating back to his brother and friends. 

One day as Sakusa opened his locker a note floated down to his feet, “Is ur hair permed? - Miya Atsumu” It read. Kiyoomi looked around the hall, face covered with annoyance. He spotted the blondie several lockers down smiling at him. With a roll of his eyes he walked to the trash can near Atsumu and threw the note out, “You’re not going to answer me Omi?” He grimaced and walked away in response. 

After several more attempts at conversations from Atsumu, Kiyoomi snapped, “What the hell do you want from me, Miya?” he asked after yet another irrelevant question from the twin. 

Atsumu was taken back from the outburst. He stumbled back with furrowed brows, “You just seem lonely all the time… I want to be your friend, I guess?” 

“I don’t need your pity,” as he turned his back to Atsumu, his arm was grabbed in an attempt to stop him. Sakusa swung himself around, shaking the hand off his sleeve, “Don’t touch me,” a voice full of venom and annoyance fell from his lips. 

“I’m sorry, sorry. Please, just… Eat lunch with my friends and I today?” He asked with a hopeful gaze. Sakusa hadn’t a clue as to why Atsumu tried so hard for his attention. With a mental groan Sakusa decided to indulge in Atsumu’s request. 

One lunch turned into two weeks of lunches with Atsumu and his friends. Most lunches consisted of the group talking amongst themselves, occasionally prompting Kiyoomi with a question. His answers were straight to the point, he found no point in avoiding the question or answering untruthfully. The answers often resulted in laughs across the table, he didn’t understand the punch line but he liked the positive attention he got. The questions he was asked were never personal. No questions about his family, no comments on his gloves, masks and the way he cleaned down the table where he ate his food. 

Kiyoomi failed to notice the gradual fond expression Atsumu wore when looking at his new friend. The rest of his friends certainly did not. 

Walking to the cafeteria table the group unofficially claimed, Sakusa heard hushed whispers, “... doesn’t even look like the type to  _ like _ people,” 

“Shut  _ up  _ Samu,”

“Who would even like you Tsumu?” 

“Aran! Rude!” 

As he arrived at the table everyone went silent, Atsumu’s cheeks were beet red. He raised an unimpressed eyebrow to everyone before wiping down a spot near Atsumu. It was an arm’s length away but any proximity was okay for Atsumu after the day he saw how he reacted to physical touch. 

“What are you all talking about?” Sakusa muttered. 

Atsumu panicked, “Oh- we- noth-”

“Atsumu’s crush,” Suna deadpanned, staring right at the overly embarrassed twin. Kiyoomi nodded and opened his bento box. The lack of reaction made Suna turn to him with a last malicious look to Atsumu, “Aren’t you curious as to who it is?” 

Sakusa looked up and turned to Atsumu before locking eyes with Suna, “He looks embarrassed. I don't want to make him uncomfortable,”

“Aw, sweet,” Suna said with a smirk. 

The crush wasn’t brought up again. 

After school one day Sakusa walked to his locker only to be greeted by one of the people he could now call a friend, “Atsumu,” Kiyoomi acknowledged. 

“Do you want to come over to my place?” The question made Sakusa tense. His muscles suddenly felt as if they were filled with cement. Atsumu saw the reaction and panicked, “Or not! You don't have to- I just- dunno? I thought we could hang out more… Like outside of school,” the tension between his shoulders eased slightly. 

He declined the offer. His mind reeling all the possible outcomes, the germs he could be exposed to in a new environment. Just thinking about it made his skin crawl with unease. Once he arrived home he showered three times, the first two didn’t feel substantial enough. He felt dirty. His skin was red, stinging painfully from the aggressive scrubbing. The frustrated tears washed down the drain among the cold water. 

School was nearly impossible to attend the next few days. His mother called him in from school. He falsely informed her of a bug going around the school in order to receive permission to avoid the establishment. 

A few days turned into a week. His mother was rarely at home. He had cleaned the house excessively the whole week. Showers increased to five or six times a day. To say he felt miserable was an understatement. 

The day he went back to school Atsumu almost cried from relief, “Omi, what the fuck? Where were you?” He almost yelled from frustration. Sakusa started liking the way the nickname rolled off his friend's tongue. It made him feel... almost warm? 

“Sick, sorry,” He said with an apologetic smile even though he knew Atsumu couldn’t see his mouth. 

“God. I’m going to buy you a phone so you can tell me shit instead of making me worry for a whole  _ week! _ ” 

Sakusa frowned, “I have a phone?” Everyone at the table turned to him in shock. He clenched his jaw, just because he was below the poverty line didn't mean he didn't have access to a phone. He pulled it out of his bag, “It’s not a fancy phone or anything. I don't have data, but it works. I just never had much of a reason to use it,” The shocked faces didn’t disappear after a minute, “You never asked,” He rolled his eyes, shoving the phone in his pocket. 

“Well you’re poor we just assu-” 

“Suna,” Atsumu hissed to get his friend to shut up. 

The following week consisted of Atsumu constantly texting Sakusa. All the time. Non-stop. Sakusa almost shut off his entire phone after the eighth consecutive text. He wasn’t used to his phone being used too often, it was weird. 

One late night conversation led somewhere Sakusa wouldn’t have thought of. 

_ Atsumu: Are u straight? _

_ Kiyoomi: Straight? _

_ Atsumu: Yeh, like ur sexuality _

_ Kiyoomi: Oh. I guess? I don’t know, I’ve never given it a thought. Never been too interested in a relationship.  _

_ Atsumu: oh, cool.  _

_ Kiyoomi: Are you?  _

_ Kiyoomi: Straight, I mean.  _

_ Atsumu: No.  _

_ Kiyoomi: Oh, okay. Cool.  _

_ Kiyoomi: You’re gay then? _

_ Atsumu: Bi _

_ Kiyoomi: Cool. _

The conversation led to a deep dive into sexuality. The next day at school, Sakusa was exhausted. He stayed up until the sun had started to rise. The question of his sexuality up in the air, none of the labels he heard clicked. He was confused. 

Atsumu wasn’t as talkative during lunches the following days. No one knew why, he told them he didn't want to talk about it. 

During the weekend Sakusa was scrubbing down the bathroom when his phone rang. He answered after seeing Atsumu’s name on his screen, “Atsumu,” 

“Hey Omi,” a pause, “What are you up to?” 

“Cleaning. What about you?” 

“You’re always cleaning,” He chuckled, “Samu is pissing me off. I wanted to get out of the house… Do you want to… Do something with me?” The hesitance was clear in his words. 

“I’m not really allowed to go out now,” Kiyoomi sighed. 

“Oh, it’s okay sorry for bothering you,” 

Kiyoomi wasn’t oblivious to the feelings of others. Oftentimes he wouldn’t care but hearing Atsumu’s small, upset voice made his heart ache for some reason, “You could come over… My mom’s out for the night,” 

Atsumu took him up on his offer and made his way to the address Kiyoomi had texted him. It was a part of town he had always been told to stay away from. He clutched his bag to his chest. His parents always told him about the muggings that happened around here and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t mildly worried of being a victim. 

He reached the trailer park and awkwardly hung around the entrance, he had never truly been to a trailer park before. A couple minutes after letting Sakusa know he was at the entrance he saw his masked friend emerge from a trailer. 

“Omi,” He sighed in relief. 

“Welcome,” Kiyoomi muttered, guiding him to his home. The door squeaked open, causing Atsumu to flinch, the door was held open for the twin to walk through, “wash your hands in the bathroom please,” 

Atsumu did as told before he was able to get a good look at where his friend lives, “It’s…”

“I don’t think I really want you to finish that sentence,” Kiyoomi chuckled lightly before sitting on the small couch. He peeled off his gloves and tossed them in a trash can almost filled to the brim with gloves and masks. 

Atsumu cringed as he saw the condition of Sakusa’s hands, “Omi, you’re bleeding…” He looked down to his hands and shrugged before standing up to wash his hands and pull out a box of bandaids, “Can I help?” 

Kiyoomi froze. He saw him wash his hands, they were in a controlled environment… He nodded sitting on the couch. Atsumu knelt on the floor and reached for the bandaids. Sakusa had his hands placed on his lap. A cold hand hesitantly reached for one of the dry, cracked hands, he looked up to gauge his friend's reaction. It was a rare time where Atsumu saw Sakusa without a mask for an extended amount of time. It was common knowledge for him that the man in front of him was one of the most attractive people he met, this only confirmed his thoughts. 

The soft hands effectively applied the bandaids to his hands. Kiyoomi held his breath as his hands were in Atsumu’s. His heart felt funny, his stomach fluttered uncomfortably. The skin to skin contact was something so foreign to him. 

When the band aids were applied Kiyoomi had to settle his racing heart and stop himself from reaching for the touch once more. He bit his chapped lip anxiously as Atsumu sat on the other end of the couch, “where’s your mom?” Atsumu asked simply. 

“Oh… I don’t know. She probably won’t be back until Monday,” Sakusa said looking at the several bandaids on his hands. 

“Monday? You mean she just leaves you alone for days?” The concept was something Atsumu couldn’t imagine in his own home. 

“Yeah? I haven’t seen her since Wednesday,” 

“What?!” 

Kiyoomi’s eyes widened from the exclamation, “it’s nothing new… She’s been doing this for years,” he shrugged. 

Atsumu stared at him in disbelief. He successfully changed the subject worried he would get too heated and angry about how his friend's mom treated him. The night was easy, they talked, Kiyoomi laughed more than he had since he could remember. Atsumu had to force himself to not stare as Kiyoomi laughed, but  _ god _ was it difficult. His beauty was unmatched when he had no walls built up preventing his own happiness. It was raw, he felt like he saw the real Kiyoomi. He didn’t know he could fall further for the man that sat in front of him.

Just after one in the morning the two of them lay in Sakusa’s bed, talking mindlessly. Their shoulders inches away from each other even in the cramped room on the bed. 

“Tsumu?” Kiyoomi said softly. Atsumu had never heard the nickname fall from his lips, it made his stomach flip, “how’d you figure out you’re bi?”

“Oh, uh. I mean, I just had crushes on girls and guys… and porn helped too,” he said shamelessly. 

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes and turned on his side to face Atsumu. The blondie gulped and matched the position. 

“I don’t think I’m straight… but I did research and didn’t know… how I feel?” Kiyoomi admitted quietly. 

“Oh. I mean, labels can be confusing… you don’t have to know, truly. Date whoever makes you… happy,” he willed his gaze to stay at eye level but couldn’t help his eyes wandering lower to Sakusa’s lips. He was chewing him nervously. 

“Yeah…” he sighed. They had a moment of silence, “you never told me who you had or have a crush on,” Kiyoomi pointed out thinking back to last month. 

“Oh, yeah, you’re right,” he chuckled awkwardly. Atsumu hoped he read all of this right, the way Kiyoomi acted around him… it was subtle, most might not look into his behaviour but Atsumu noticed how he treated him compared to how he interacted with his other friends. He let his inhibitions down and spoke up, “well, it’s you,” the words flew out of his mouth quickly, “sorry if that makes you uncomfortable-” he began to ramble. 

“Atsumu,” Kiyoomi cut him off. Atsumu gasped, regaining his breath, calming his beating heart from the confession, “if I ask you to brush your teeth do you think we could try something?” Atsumu’s eyes bulged out of his head, he nodded wordlessly. After returning to the bed after brushing his teeth thoroughly they sat in front of each other, “can I kiss you?” 

“I- uh- yeah,” he breathed. Atsumu felt a clammy hand cup his jaw. His eyes flew shut as he felt a warm breath against his lips. The anticipation made him antsy, he wanted to lean forward and close the gap between them but he wanted Kiyoomi to be comfortable. He let the taller of them set the pace.

Their lips touched faintly. Atsumu felt like he was melting. It wasn’t his first kiss but it was the first one that meant something more than skin on skin. It was intimate, soft, meaningful. He leaned into it slightly, urging Kiyoomi to continue, to do something more. 

The chapped lips made hesitant movement, clearly unsure of what to do. Atsumu reached up to Kiyoomi’s forearm that connected his hand on his jaw. He deepened the kiss slightly. After several seconds Kiyoomi pulled back, his face flushed a deep red. 

“Oh,” Sakusa whispered, eyeing the hand around his arm, “that was-”

“Again?” Atsumu asked breathlessly. Sakusa nodded before he was being pulled into another kiss. They kissed late into the night, no wandering hands or ulterior motives. Simple innocent kisses that made the both of them warm and drunk off intimacy. 

Around two in the morning they broke apart, lips slick and red. Faces burning, hands on each other's shoulders or faces, “Sleep over?” Kiyoomi asked quietly. 

Atsumu smiled softly, “Okay,” 

The next morning Atsumu left before Kiyoomi woke up. He was sleeping so peacefully Atsumu felt his mouth twitch upward fondly. He wanted to say bye instead of leaving but he couldn’t will himself to wake him from his slumber. 

_ Atsumu: Goodmorning! Had to leave early, my parents were worried  _

The text Sakusa woke up to read. 

Neither of them brought up that night for a month. They went on as if nothing had happened. That being said, it never left each other's mind. It was all they could think about when they saw each other. 

When Atsumu had enough of them skimming over the fact they shared the moment he banged on the door of the Sakusa trailer. It was Saturday, Osamu basically pushed him out the door,  _ “stop being a pussy and talk to him”  _ he said as he locked his twin out of the house. 

The door swung open, Atsumu was shocked as he was met with a scowl from a woman he had never seen before. 

“Didn’t you read the sign? ‘No solicitors’. Leave,” she stated. 

Before she could slam the door shut he spoke quickly, “I’m looking for Kiyoomi,” she stared at him with a deep frown. Atsumu never thought a frown could appear to be a permanent feature on someone’s face. 

She eyed him up and down, “What's your business with him, huh?” 

“I’m his friend,” Atsumu answered swiftly. 

She laughed, “He doesn’t have friends. Get off my pro-”

“Mom, who- Miya?” Kiyoomi looked over his mother’s shoulder. 

“You know this man?” His mom scowled, “What did I tell you Kiyoomi?” The scolding he would get later was inevitable but for now he didn’t care. 

“What are you doing here?” Kiyoomi asked politely, unlike his mother. 

Before Atsumu could answer, Kiyoomi’s mother slipped on her shoes and stormed out of the house, pushing passed Atsumu in the process. 

The twin watched her leave with wide eyes, Kiyoomi sighed and opened the door, gesturing to him to come inside. Atsumu respectfully removed his jacket, shoes and silently made his way to the bathroom to wash his hands. 

As he emerged he saw Kiyoomi sitting on the couch rubbing lotion on his cracked hands. It was the lotion Atsumu had given him a couple days after helping him bandage his hands. 

“That was one way to meet your mother,” He chuckled awkwardly. 

“You should’ve texted. I didn’t really want you to meet her,” he sighed. Atsumu muttered an apology before sitting down on the couch next to him, “so what’s with the surprise visit?” 

Atsumu looked down, “I just couldn't stop thinking about last month…”

“Oh,”

“Yeah… I dunno maybe it was naive of me to expect something to have come out of it…”

“No,” Kiyoomi sighed, “You’re not, I thought the same, i guess… You just left before i could say bye and never brought it up so I thought-”

“Omi, I told you I like you… You thought kissing would make me lose feelings for you? ‘Cause you’re dead wrong, It was like totally the opposite,” He chuckled. Kiyoomi was quiet, his mind telling him he didn't deserve Atsumu. He didn’t understand why he would even want to be friends after seeing his house. He barely understood himself, he didn't know what was wrong with him, what his sexuality was, there were so many unanswered questions in his life he didn’t understand. 

Atsumu stayed quiet, allowing Kiyoomi to think. A couple minutes passed before he found something to say, “I’m not gay,” 

“You don’t have to be gay to like me,” 

“Atsumu... There’s already so many rumours about me… It would get across town-” his breathing quickened. 

Atsumu recognized the breathing pattern from the first day of freshman year, “Omi… Breathe, okay?” He bit his lip anxiously. He wasn’t the best at comforting people, he never knew how to handle such situations. Kiyoomi brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them, digging his face in his knees. 

Kiyoomi managed to calm down after several minutes of Atsumu panicking. He brought him water, urging him to drink though all the attempts resulted in failure. After a while Sakusa ended up snapping at him to either sit down and shut up or leave. Atsumu tried to ignore the pain and rejection he felt by those words. He tried to understand where he was coming from, the stress and overwhelming environment. He had never experienced a panic attack first hand, his knowledge was sparse on what to do. 

Luckily it wasn’t as bad as he had before, he was able to ground himself and recompose after ten or so minutes. After he was able to get a couple sips of water and freshen himself up by washing his face they sat next to each other in silence. 

Atsumu broke the silence eventually, “If you don’t like me, just be straight up… but, please don’t make excuses…” Kiyoomi let the words bounce around his brain for a while. He knew he was making excuses, he didn’t really know what he was trying to protect. His family’s name was already tainted too far for redemption, he knew he would have to face the conflict of his sexuality eventually, so why was he trying to push it away so much?

He glanced over to Atsumu, about to speak when the view of the man beside him hit like a ton of bricks. He bit his tongue from saying anything… 

Atsumu was the reason.

The blonde twin from the most prestigious family in their town. The kid that won countless medals in the sports world, was top in most of his classes, the heartthrob of the school… He was the reason for his excuses. 

He doubts he would be able to live with himself if he was the reason for the Miya’s backlash. So he lied. 

_ I don’t like you, Miya.  _

He left without a word. The quiet hurt more than anything else. Unfortunately the quiet wasn’t broken. 

The day Kiyoomi’s anxieties faded enough to go back to school Atsumu didn’t acknowledge him. He was just another face in the hall to Atsumu, Kiyoomi thought. 

Days, weeks went by. Kiyoomi hadn’t heard from any of Atsumu’s friends. Sure he got a glance or two from them as he searched for a new spot to eat his lunch. He ignored the looks, he ignored everything in his life. His homework was disregarded, his mother gave up trying to talk to him, he was truly alone. 

Isolation was something he was fine with growing up. He didn’t know any better back then. This time around he wasn’t fine, he had become so used to being a part of something. He was a part of a friend group, people who would talk to him, listen to what he had to say. It was ripped away from him so abruptly, like a rug being pulled from under his feet. Unbeknownst to him, that rug was hiding a hole in the ground. He fell, fast and hard into the depths of the hole… It was darker than he could’ve imagined. 

Eventually he stopped going to school. His mother was barely home to take the calls from his school wondering why he hasn’t been attending. He stayed in bed unless his anxiety yelled at him to clean. He didn't open the windows, he barely had enough motivation to make food. When he slowly emptied the cupboards and fridge from food he couldn’t find himself buying more. 

He was hungry, sad, anxious and lonely. He didn’t care enough to do anything about it. The only food he ate was when his mom would come back from wherever she went and brought back fast food and occasionally groceries to last a couple days. Other than the occasional drop ins, his mom didn’t care to stay and hang out with him. 

Bordering a month into his absence from school he heard a knock on the door. Reluctantly he threw on a shirt that once used to fit him but now hung loosely from his shoulders and opened the door. 

Osamu, Kita, Suna, Aran and Atsumu stood in front of the door. He avoided looking at Atsumu as he asked why they were here. 

“Kiyoomi…” Atsumu had muttered quietly. 

“You look sick Sakusa,” Osamu had said with concern. Kiyoomi saw the way they eyed him, the grimaces on their faces as they took in his appearance. 

“Do you guys need something or are you here to tell me how bad I look?” He hissed. He went to shut the door only for it to be held open by Aran. Kiyoomi shook his head, “Please leave,” 

“No, we’re-”

“No,” He snapped, “Don’t give me bullshit right now. Leave. You’ve all done it once already,” 

“Sakusa, we know what happened. Atsumu told us a week ago, we were worried. Can we all just talk?” Kita spoke gently.

Reluctantly he gave in. The trailer was too small for everyone to fit into so Sakusa grabbed a couple of clean blankets and laid them on the grass outside. 

“So, we know Atsumu is dumb and emotional,” Osamu started, “he didn’t take your rejection well, Sakusa. He acted out, told us not to talk to you, overall just being an immature dick,” 

“Samu,” Atsumu said hastily. 

“I’m just being honest. We didn’t want to stop talking to you but we did. We regret it,” He sighed, “Can we make amends?” 

Sakusa didn’t know how to respond. On one hand he wanted to move school, move towns, just so he would never have to see them again, on the other he missed them. 

Before he could even come up with a response Atsumu stood up, “Can we talk, alone?” Caught off guard, he nodded. They walked into the Sakusa trailer, washed their hands and sat on the couch, “I know, I fucked up. I was hurt, but that doesn’t excuse it. I didn’t think about how it would affect you. I- was, I just like you so much, I thought you felt the same… I felt led on, but that’s on me,” He inhaled, “If you don’t wanna be friends with me, I understand. If you want to be friends with them, don’t let me come between you,” 

After a moment Kiyoomi felt himself speaking before he could even process what he wanted to say, “You weren’t wrong. I liked you. I just didn’t want to ruin you, I have pro-”

“Stop,” Atsumu exasperated, “Don’t talk about yourself like that. Why would you ruin me? Why in the world would you think that?” His face was red with frustration. 

Kiyoomi flinched, “We live such different lives…” 

“Why does that have anything to do with this? Our families might be in different social classes but at the end of the day we’re both human. We eat, sleep, go to school, have emotions,  _ feelings.  _ Why should the way other people see us affect our relationship?” 

“Atsumu…” 

“You lied to me back then,” He nodded with a smile that hid his betrayal. It may not have sounded like an excuse, but the intention behind it definitely was, “I tried moving on, slept with a bunch of people, I couldn’t for the love of  _ god _ get you out of my head. I was so worried when you stopped coming to school, I looked for you everyday. I should’ve come sooner…” 

“I like you, Atsumu. Our families are so different, our reputations…” 

“I don’t give a shit about reputations! Don’t you get that? I don’t care who knows, I like  _ you _ , and that enough for me,” Atsumu’s eyes were misty. He hated how he cried when he was frustrated but he wanted, no, needed to get his point across. 

“Okay,” Kiyoomi breathed.

“Okay?” 

He shoved his face in his hands. He didn't even know what he meant by his response, “I miss you. I’m sorry for lying,” he mumbled. 

Atsumu relaxed his tense shoulders and turned to the man beside him, “I missed you too. We’re okay?” Kiyoomi looked up from his hands, he turned to Atsumu, with twitching lips he nodded. He sighed in relief, he resisted the urge to lean over to the black haired boy and place a kiss upon his lips. He would wait until he was sure about what Kiyoomi wanted and what he was comfortable with. 

He eyed Kiyoomi carefully, fully taking in his current appearance and frowned. He peeked his head outside the front door to tell the others who were still sitting on the blanket outside that they could leave. Before any of them could argue he shut the door and stalked back to Sakusa. After he was given permission to look for food he was disappointed in the lack of nutrients in the cupboards and fridge. 

“Get dressed, we’re going grocery shopping,” He clicked his tongue.

Kiyoomi was momentarily baffled by the way Atsumu just clicked back to his normal self after everything had just gone down. He was envious of how well he bounced back, or maybe he was just good at masking it. Either way, Sakusa really appreciated the normalcy he was willing to indulge in currently. That's all he needed in the moment. They had a serious talk, they were okay now. Of course there were still things they needed to work out, but it wasn’t urgent, they could wait. 

When Atsumu was sure Kiyoomi had enough food to last the week he made sure he ate and left. He reluctantly allowed him to pay for the groceries, letting him know he would pay him back someday. Atsumu brushed him off, telling him it was an apology. 

Sakusa had barely realized the way his anxiety calmed when he was at the store with Atsumu. He didn’t register this as the fifth establishment he’s ever stepped foot in until he had gotten home and thought back about the day. Of course the thought itself sent him into a cleaning spiral and minor breakdown about the viruses he would get from allowing himself to be so exposed. 

Nonetheless it was progress he didn’t think he would be able to achieve without Atsumu. He didn't even understand it was something that needed progress until that day. 

The following week Atsumu stopped by with more groceries, Sakusa rolled his eyes but accepted them begrudgingly. Atsumu pulled out a recipe and with some groceries he had bought attempted to recreate it. The end product was edible so the both of them deemed it a win. They ate at the small table in the trailer.

That night they were able to clear up any misunderstandings. The conversation was candid, neither of them found a reason to dance around their thoughts and feelings. Despite some of them sounding cold or upsetting they allowed each other to talk freely and discuss the concerns. 

They kissed that night. It wasn’t alluding to anything, it was a simple show of affection between two boys with mutual feelings. Even though they weren’t yet official, the kiss was the most meaningful interaction either of them had with each other. It solidified what they already knew. They understood what they had and even though Sakusa was still trying to understand himself and figure out the many conflicts he was facing they would wait for when they were ready. 

During the last week of summer vacation Atsumu and Kiyoomi were sitting on a hill. It was dark out, the stars barely visible. They shared smiles over how cheesy it was, how cliche a date this would be. Sakusa allowed the jokes to be heard, after all, he wasn’t wrong. 

When they had calmed down, they soaked in the night sky. The blanket they lay on protecting them from the dirt or wherever else was crawling through the grass. 

The end of the second year of highschool was brutal for Sakusa, he was so behind on all his courses, his teachers were disappointed in him and his absence but he didn’t make excuses. He put in the extra time, with help of his friends and tutors offering a helping hand. He was able to pass most of his classes, leaving a couple for him to redo during summer. 

Luckily summer school lasted a couple of weeks. He was still able to hang out with his friends who had all become much closer after everything had happened. Sakusa learned how to manage his overwhelming anxiety with new places by going out with his friends. They took him to places he never thought he would step foot in. 

The anxiety of course never fully went away, he didn’t think it ever would. His friends understood. They allowed him to decline invitations to places they’ve never been to, which often resulted in them all going someplace else which didn’t trigger the same level of panic. 

It took some time for Atsumu to understand the progress he was making wasn’t linear. Some Days he felt comfortable doing things in which others he felt too overwhelmed to even fathom doing.

Atsumu made it his mission to try and understand the inner workings of Sakusa’s mind. It sometimes came off as overbearing and an invasion of his comfort zone but at the end of the day Sakusa understood he meant more good than harm. 

One day Atsumu asked how comfortable he would be to go to his doctor and ask about his diagnosis’. This caused a spiral Atsumu wasn’t prepared to handle. Eventually Sakusa started talking to him again and agreed under the circumstance that he wouldn’t go alone. His request was easily accepted. Atsumu vowed to be with him the whole time. 

Upon learning of the lack of life threatening illnesses Sakusa shut down. He was fully assessed only to learn of his mental illnesses. Atsumu reassured him it changed nothing. The confirmation failed to help the betrayal and hole in his heart caused by his mother. 

Even after learning his life wasn’t at risk at every living breathing moment, it was hard to shake the anxiety induced rituals he was brainwashed into having from a young age. Atsumu understood and did the most he could to support him. 

All that being said, summer was coming to an end. The life as Sakusa knew it had changed so much in such a small amount of time. During the intense emotions he was able to fight through he was worried about the change that had been set into motion. However, looking back on it he couldn’t be more proud of his progress. He was understanding how life could be, he finally saw the things he was missing out on. 

He didn't want to miss out on anything else. 

Carefully, Sakusa turned to Atsumu who lay on his back, hands entwined on his stomach, admiring the stars in the distance. He felt eyes on his profile causing the twin to turn to the culprit with a small smile. Kiyoomi smiled back before leaning over and placing a kiss on his lips. A soft peck that held many words. 

Atsumu sat up, his eyes wide. Kiyoomi sat up with him, leaned over to cradle his face tenderly, “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Atsumu softly gripped the forearm of the hand holding his face, he nodded before leaning in to indulge in another kiss. 

Those words would be the start of a new conflict. They knew the consequences but they had each other to face the backlash. 

It wasn’t easy being the talk of their small town but they managed to come out the other side, stranger than they ever would’ve imagined. 

**Author's Note:**

> that ending was so cheesy lol 
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, or just cute/fun/heart wrenching/etc. sakuatsu headcanons because i've been obsessed with them lately


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